An Open Letter to the Single Ladies of TRW DC

Dear (Straight) Ladies of The Real World DC Cast,

The Real Women of DC want to level with you, the Ladies of the Real World DC. We can't compete with you. We just can't.

When you take out the gay population, the married population, the almost-married population and the deployed military population, there just aren't a lot of single, hot-blooded, hetero single men in this town. Rather than fight over what little we got, we wanted to level with you. So here are reasons why you'll win the man-chase.

We can't keep up with your fashion. We can't be fashionistas AND read the Economist and the New Yorkers special fiction edition, cover to cover. Also stilettos are hard to wear when you bike to work. Anyway, my non-profit/political/job on the Hill won't let me wear my skinny jeans, tissue-T, and Converse to work. That sort of pushes the limit of "business casual."

Holy shit, we love Five Guys so guess what - we aren't as skinny as you. WE LIKE CARBS. And let's be real, men generally go for the skinny bitches. We know. C'est la vie. Let's face it. 5 guys > Chopt any day. I'm sure the producers would crap a brick if they knew how much we weighed, or they'd call us fatties, and either situation is just abusive, so why bother? Congrats on not falling prey to Five Guys, Ben's Chili Bowl or 2am falafel. (We fully expect to see you eating Jumbo Slice at least once, though. Especially if you have an eating disorder.)

Many of us also have jobs trying to save the world which eliminates us from, say, binge drinking and hot tub making out every night - not because we don't want to, but because we have to get up early to do the media clippings in the morning. Also some of us spend the day fighting the spread of AIDS in the US, Botswana or Inner Mongolia, so like, spontaneous high-risk sex is not appealing to us. I know, fighting infectious diseases is a total boner-killer. But that's how we roll. We hope the producers are springing for condoms, by the way.

Also, I feel like a camera man following me would be trifling. A gal can only look so classy riding her bike to work, while tugging on her skirt to avoid flashing the world. Also it might be annoying for a camera guy to follow us on the bus or the Metro. Sometimes it's hard enough to fight my way on the S2 or the S4 down 16th, so that cameraman and his gear would just piss off the other commuters. But hey, at least we'd be reducing our carbon footprint.

And finally, I don't know that we can't keep up with The Real World schedule because to us, happy hour starts after 7, not from 4-6. And that just makes for boring Reality TV. Alcoholics are fun to watch. Workoholics are just boring. And trust me, we know those cameras would be rolling 24/7. Unless you want unlimited footage on healthcare reform, eye-glazing debate on comprehensive Energy legislation or how industrial farming is JUST WRONG, you don't want us in front of your cameras. We know. If your viewers wanted to watch that crap, they'd just flip to CSPAN.

So we tip our hats to you, single ladies of The Real World DC. Thank you for answering the call to be shiny hot young things. Someone's got to do it.

Sincerely yours,
Your DC-working Sisters

*Special thanks to Julia20009 for helping a sister out :)

Like the Plague: A Survivor's Guide to Avoiding the Real World Cast: Malibu Rum Barbie Edition

If there's going to be 7 official cast members, we all know who the unofficial 8th will be: booze.

Now we here at ARWDC HQ are by no means teetotalers. However, running into a RW cast member with crew in tow when picking up a bottle of wine on my way to a housewarming party isn't my idea of fun. So whether you are looking to pick up a six pack of PBR or a bottle of Dom, avoid these two DC Real World house liquor stores and the wine store.

But if you want a little faux-drama overnote with your merlot, go ahead.

P.S. Real World cast members would be wise to remember Ernest Hemingway who said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

P.P.S. Remember the map also has the other spots for you to avoid from the first edition of "Like the Plague."



View Like the Plague-Real World DC Survival Map in a larger map