Saturday, June 6, 2009

Where Angels & D-bags Fear to Tread--Part I

With the impending arrival of the Real World cast and crew, DC is about to become a festering mess of douchebags and their followers....well more so.

This will be a continuing series of places where the Real World crowd will never go, and where we all can hopefully be safe from their antics. If you have an addition, post it in the comments and we will try and use it in another update.

1) The Red Derby: Located up 14th St., the Red Derby is one of the best places to enjoy good beer at great prices in a great, non-fratty atmosphere.

Why the RWers won't go there: The Derby is critically located far enough away and the Real World cast will be too lazy to go up there. Also, the neighborhood is "very scary." And by that I mean not scary at all.

2) Townhouse Tavern: A favorite hangout for people who actually know it exists and many progressive activists.

Why the RWers won't go there: If you've been there, you know that their bathrooms are only slightly better than a latrine...and that's a huge reason why regulars love it. The Real World cast would have to run home to go. Also, the Mayor of Townhouse would organize the progressives to chain themselves to the doors so no one could get in. Trust me he could do this.

3)Florida Avenue Grill: A DC institution that usually gets overshadowed by Ben's Chili Bowl. FL Ave. Grill is home to delicious diner food in an area of DC that is getting increasingly anti-septic.

Why the RWers won't go there: The glasses aren't always the cleanest, the food is packed with cholesterol, and they serve scrapple. Somehow I don't think that Britney (my imagined RWDC castmember), who grew up in a suburban wasteland full of chain restaurants, will enjoy this restaurant. Fine with me and pass the scrapple.

Puck Off

Fifteen years ago, one man changed the early era of reality television with his immature antics and poor hygiene. His name was David Rainey but we knew him simply as "Puck."

"Puck" was a major league asshole so with just two weeks until the Real World crew set to start the new season in D.C. -- site of the largest conglomeration of assholes -- it only seems appropriate to ask:

Who is your favorite for D.C.'s "Puck"?

#RealWorldDC House Pic

#RealWorldDC House Pic, originally uploaded by Phillyberg.

Here is a shot of the MTV Real World DC house I took from my living
room. Hopefully this serves as proof to those who doubted my
proximity to these tools.

Anti-Real World opening credits

This is the true story
Of a bunch of friends
Picked to go to a house party at Casa de Berg
And heckle the new douchebag neighbors
To find out what happens
When outsiders invade Dupont
And the "Real World" meets the real DC

This should be fun.......

It begins...

The MTV Real World DC house is located at 2000 S Street, NW.

I live at 1933 S Street, NW.

I can see them from my kitchen and will be bumping into lights when I step outside starting June 20th.

May g-d have mercy on their souls.