Saturday, June 13, 2009

Cast - here's what you are missing






Since we've heard the cast is reading our blog, we thought we'd let you know what you are missing. Yesterday, your house got a sweet outdoor grill. It's still wrapped in packaging, but don't worry it's locked up so no one steals it.

More importantly, today you missed our fabulous gay pride parade! We hope none of the cast members are homophobes - you won't do very well in our neighborhood!

Fox Five mentions us!

The local Fox Five affiliate WTTG ran a story yesterday about the Real World excitement, and mentioned us. Thanks Fox Five!





Friday, June 12, 2009

Gaysimilate this, jerks.

Via Borderstan, we heard that Real World DC is going to shoot B-roll footage at the Capital Pride Parade on Saturday. The rumor is none of the cast will actually be in DC yet. And if this is true, this is less than, well, reality. That means the MTV crew will be shooting the Pride parade as background. Having done some video production, I can appreciate having content "in the can". But what gets my pantyhose in a knot is this:

That's the number of rights still denied same sex couples across the US. Because they're teh gay (or teh lesbian, transgendered, bisexual or queer.) The LGBTQ community is still fighting for many rights that most people take for granted, so don't trivialize the struggle. As one of our commenters mentioned, the 1,049 number is out of date - the US Government Accountability Office published a more recent report that indicates LGBTQ couples are denied 1,138 federal rights. (Thanks for the correction, Michael!)

I'm really worried about gaysimilation, people. Let me introduce you to the concept of gaysimilation, as explained to me. It's a form of cultural assimilation. You know what I'm talking about. It's potentially good since it could signal broad cultural acceptance. But it can also mean that people either change themselves to conform, or worse, their struggle is used as a marketing device (and therefore co-opted and trivialized.) Think about how counterculture icons are used to sell cars and sodas. Or when names go from being Shailagh to Sheila, or Lopez becomes Smith, or people become culturally insensitive because it's easier to play along and conform than take the time to know or respect their history.

The fact is, the original Real World had significant impact on the politics of gender roles and sexuality. It's hard for us to remember a time when the world did exist without the voyeristic "reality" aspect. When people didn't discuss racism, prejudice or even sex. When it wasn't acceptable to be out and proud.

So the question is, what will this footage be used for? To talk about how cool the DC cast is with Pride and the LGBT community? Are they going to honor Norman Korpi's bravery of being out and proud? Are they going to teach us to honor the memory of Pedro Zamora?

Or are they going to use the Parade as a glittering backdrop, and fake the show's way into looking like it's down with the Gayborhood?

Call us jaded, but we know that reality TV is artificial as Joan River's face. We get that. It's hard to out-DC DC, where so much of our work and very livelihood is image manipulation. Yet all dedicated operatives and DC political hacks know that the most successful contrivances come from a fierce dedication to a set of values. And they express some kernel of truth and conviction, even if that kernel is sometimes small and hard to find.

So please, Real World. If you want to play the game, play the game. But don't use the LGBTQ community as just a backdrop, honey. The drag queens don't like to be upstaged, and you've got your own proud history to rediscover.

Still No Answers From MTV

So this morning I decided I'd waited long enough, and would just walk up to the house and ask for a meeting with MTV. Despite the local newspaper coverage, no one from the show has reached out directly to people in the neighborhood.

I walked over to the house and say plainly that I didn't know who was with the show. Someone pointed to a man (let's call him Man 1). He didn't say much but took my contact information.

As I'm leaving, another man (let's call him Man 2) started to get combative. Man 2 said "why the blog? are you anti-reality TV?" What this jerk doesn't know is that ALL I WATCH is Reality TV - The Hills, Project Runway, and all of the Real
Housewives seasons. I love those shows! What I'm anti- about is that I know how one should run a successful public relations campaign, and I know MTV isn't doing a thorough job of reaching out to the community.

Man 2 mentioned a nightclub up the street and I said “yes, but when something goes into the neighborhood there are permits involved that the public knows about and that are approved by ANC.” I also mentioned to Man 2 that no one from MTV came to the ANC meeting the other night. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: There wasn't an official MTV representative at the meeting.

Man 2: How do you know that?

Me: No one spoke up.

Man 2: You don't know that no one was there.

Me: Well I sure hope someone was there and taking notes. But no one stood up and spoke and answered questions.

I'm really irritated and dismayed by how unprofessional MTV or their PR representation are being. Granted, people seem to think this whole production might not be disruptive to our city, but we're talking about my street and my neighbors and my family. I asked a neighbor today as I was walking my dog, and he said he would probably come to a meeting of the neighbors on the street and MTV. He also knows the guy two houses down from us who is concerned and would definitely come. Both neighbors are probably in their fifties.

People have HOMES here, and we just want some answers.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Like the Plague: A Survivor's Guide to Avoiding the Real World Cast: Malibu Rum Barbie Edition

If there's going to be 7 official cast members, we all know who the unofficial 8th will be: booze.

Now we here at ARWDC HQ are by no means teetotalers. However, running into a RW cast member with crew in tow when picking up a bottle of wine on my way to a housewarming party isn't my idea of fun. So whether you are looking to pick up a six pack of PBR or a bottle of Dom, avoid these two DC Real World house liquor stores and the wine store.

But if you want a little faux-drama overnote with your merlot, go ahead.

P.S. Real World cast members would be wise to remember Ernest Hemingway who said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

P.P.S. Remember the map also has the other spots for you to avoid from the first edition of "Like the Plague."



View Like the Plague-Real World DC Survival Map in a larger map

MTV’s PR Department Posts Half Hearted Response Blog to Try and Counter Our Efforts

The entire ARWDC team would like to welcome MTV’s PR machine to the battle over Real World: DC.

At 8:01 this morning, the ProRealWorldDCblog went live to an audience of…well 5 our ARWDC’s editors. While many of our contributors’ better professional instincts tell us not to bring attention to them because they are so far behind the curve on this, from an entertainment perspective, it was too good NOT to share. The blog REEKS of astroturfing. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, this, via Wikipedia:

Astroturfing is a word in English describing formal political, advertising, or public relations campaigns seeking to create the impression of being spontaneous "grassroots" behavior, hence the reference to the artificial grass, AstroTurf.

The goal of such a campaign is to disguise the efforts of a political or commercial entity as an independent public reaction to some political entity—a politician, political group, product, service or event. Astroturfers attempt to orchestrate the actions of apparently diverse and geographically distributed individuals, by both overt ("outreach", "awareness", etc.) and covert (disinformation) means.

Astroturfing may be undertaken by an individual pushing a personal agenda or highly organized professional groups with financial backing from large corporations, non-profits, or activist organizations. Very often the efforts are conducted by political consultants who also specialize in opposition research.

As Berg pointed out to me, the comments show no knowledge of the area that wouldn’t be known using Googlemaps. Further, they are kinda, “checked” out, and the blog shows no real community behind the content.

DC Badger had this to add: Further, the blog is actively soliciting contributors, I mean why would you have to solicit contributors if there is SO many people who are pro-Real World DC? This site has been active and well-covered for DAYS. If some pro-Real World Washingtonian had organically stumbled upon us on Monday via Wonkette and had a problem with us, they would have had their blogspot up immediately. NOT first thing in the morning after MTV saw a very organized presence from us at last night’s ANC meeting. (Something they would have enjoyed further if they had bothered to show up).

I am left to believe this is MTV’s half hearted attempt to counter our mojo, and hell, I welcome them to the table. I do ask them for one favor: instead of trying to hide behind fake community blogs and ANC meetings, why don’t you come out from behind the curtain and engage us directly.

BREAKING: ANC Meeting to Discuss Real World DC, Real World Doesn't Bother to Show Up

Ok,

So lets say you are bringing a very disruptive and expensive reality TV show into a residential neighborhood, and you want to get community buy in, maybe you want to just calm people's fears. The rational, logical course of action would be to bring together community activists, city officials and producers of the show so that everyone could talk through the pluses and minuses and hopefully a reasonable framework is developed that all sides can live with, because the show must go on (and all the real negotiations had already been done behind closed doors anyway).

Well that's exactly what the city decided to do tonight, with one minor detail: No reps from the Real World were present. Let me be crystal clear. I love our city. I like our Mayor, I respect our council for being able to manage a world-class metropolis with an influx of millions of commuters and tourists DAILY on the tax base of 600,000 residents. I TRUST these people to make good decisions. When they tell us everything is going to be ok, I tend to listen. Unfortunately, I don't trust MTV. They lost me years ago when they stopped playing music and became nothing more than a 24 hour commercial for bad products and destructive personal behavior.

The fact that the Real World didn't send a single rep down to attend the meeting and answer community questions isn't just a great big "Fuck you" to the community, it's a gigantic "Fuck you" to city officials. Essentially, MTV has told DC's government that they are on their own, there is no partnership here. God forbid anything bad were to happen, it would be our public officials who can expect all the blame because MTV doesn't give two shits.

And what exactly are we getting for that sort of treatment? Extra exposure so that a few of our bars and hang outs can get on national tv with the coveted 14-21 demographic? I mean I GUESS those kids are the drinkers of the future.

I want to remind my city officials that this is Washington, D.C. This is the most powerful city in the Western World and we don't need MTV's exposure. Our city is better than that...we deserve to be treated better than that. I mean come on Fenty, it's MTV not the fucking International Olympic Committee. For them I'd bend over and take it.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

ANC Meeting Happenings

So an update on what happened at the ANC meeting. Andrew Huff from the Mayor’s office was there to answer questions, although he couldn’t answer many of them.


Here’s what Mr. Huff did say. The cast is moving in in the summer and will be gone leave Thanksgiving. He couldn’t confirm location but let the intersection split. Over half the crew will be local residents (not a big surprise, but good news). The number of formerly-metered parking spots that the crew has 24/7 access to right now will be decreased from 12 spots to 6 or 4 spots. No music or TV in the house. Sounds like there will be 7 people and they can’t have more than 2 guests each … so a total of 21 people can be in the house at one time. The Mayor’s office will deal with traffic and noise violations – I’ll call the police instead thanks.


There was also a woman from the DC government office that deals with TV and movie crews that want to film in DC. She didn’t bring much to the table. But people at the ANC table did ask why the permits for the show weren’t discussed with the ANC before they were given out. ANC approves liquor licenses, building permits, etc but wasn’t even notified about this! Someone at the ANC table questioned them as to why the show isn’t using the parking lot across the street from the house and Mr. Huff and his sidekick didn’t have a good answer. Seems that DC government was willing to give the show almost anything they wanted. Makes you wonder what the show paid the Mayor’s office . . . more on this in upcoming blog posts.


Overall, the Mayor’s office talking points are, “this is fabulous for DC, will bring jobs/money to the area, etc.” This doesn’t surprise me – hasn’t the Mayor been focused on this before – Chinatown regentrification anyone?


In addition, the Lieutenant from the police department who will be covering the area the house is in was there and he seemed to have different talking points. The police seem to have a more realistic view of the noise, traffic, and drunken noisiness that comes along with a Real World cast. In addition, he corrected Mr. Huff and explained that if you are on public land the show can show your face on TV without you having to sign a release form. . . get ready for some great shots of me walking the dog after having just rolled out of bed in the morning – ugghh.


When I think about it, what really pisses me off is that the Mayor’s office STILL HASN’T NOTIFIED RESIDENTS! This issue wasn’t on the public agenda for the ANC meeting and we only knew about it from blogs. As a tax paying citizen of DC (who doesn’t have voting rights, but that’s another issue) I’m pissed that our elected officials didn’t notify us and work with us to hear our concerns, see what we needed, etc. – we pay their paychecks.


No representative from the Real World was there to address residents concerns. Shame on you Real World – if you really care about the neighborhood and our concerns someone would have been there.


On another interesting note, an anonymous source let us know that the cast is reading the blogs and now doesn’t want to come. ... we’ll see what happens on that front.

There's a guard at the RealWorld Crib

What's next?! A velvet rope?!

Duh: MTV Confirms Real World Coming to DC

Via the DCist, we learned what we already knew:
“The charged atmosphere of Washington D.C., the center of our country’s social and political change, will provide an electric setting for this next season of ‘The Real World,’ said Tony DiSanto, President of Programming, MTV. “We are thrilled to be filming our classic franchise in the heart of where history is being made…it adds a whole new dimension to the great characters and drama our viewers expect and love from ‘The Real World.’”

Sounds like MTV is totally stoked, dude.

Also in the MTV news orbit? The sky is, in fact, still blue.

Tonight at 7pm: The Anti-Fun Committee

Because you can't keep a good organizer down, a few of us from Anti-Real World DC will be attending the Advisory Neighborhood Commission meeting tonight to see what our local electeds are going to say about our new neighbors. We're hoping many questions are answered, including:

- Who to call when a RW castmember vomits on Berg's stoop?

- Where to illegally park when the RW people congest an already crowded street-parking situation?

- Will Commissioner Michael Feldstein be the new Anti-Fun Czar?

- Will this agenda get any more dull?
(Eds. Note: Will discussion of gang violence get sidelined? Because that would actually piss me offi. I'm actually not being flippant here, as there has been an increase in gun violence in our neighborhood. The shrines where people died are sad and - even more upsetting - multiplying.)

Also nerdette, DCBadger, and cacowan will be livetweeting the meeting, starting at 7pm EDT.

Got questions you want asked? Let us know in the comments.

Identity of One Future Castmate Revealed?

An anonymous tipster sent in the following juicy tidbit about one of the future Real World DCers:

here's the scoop.
she's gorgeous
she drinks a lot
she goes out a lot
she's 19 or 20
she's going to be the... [ed. note. Infer what you will here.]
Remember: Tipster's words, not mine. Anti-Real World DC suggests this character might be the "heavy drinking minor with no moral compass."

Discuss.


[Got any tips, photos, rants or questions for us? Let us know: antirealworlddc [at] gmail [dot] com]

Morning Photos




Here are some morning photos of workers getting the house ready, an electrical truck, and a parking permit for Fisher Design. It appears as those all the vehicles with these bright yellow permits surrounding the house get their parking tickets waived. I want a yellow permit since there will be no street parking once the Real Worlders move in!

Snaps to the Workmen and Laborers

I will say this - kudos to the laborers and workmen who are working tirelessly on the DC Real World house. You guys aren't keeping me up at night with banging and nailing and screaming.

Which gives me great comfort considering the residents of said Real World house will most likely keep me up all night with banging, nailing and screaming starting June 20th.

My only hope is that on their first night here they stumble across Smith Point and decide they'd rather just camp out on the other side of Connecticut Ave for the rest of the season.

And as a side note, I've heard rumors of "Oh the cast is probably going to try to come to your place and yell at you!" If this happens, I only ask that it's not done by the obligatory "southern frat boy" character on "Real World" who seems incapable of wearing a shirt while spouting ignorant comments about how tough it was growing up in a house where mom wouldn't let him wear his hat sideways and the collars were never popped. If we're gonna be yelled at, let's have the brooding "I have a dark secret...I'm not really a redhead" character do it. That character at least is more tolerable than the ones that usually can only express themselves monosyllabicly through grunts and greek fraternity letters.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A Real Worlder's welcome guide to the Real DC Part I

Dear cast,

Here are some helpful tips that your handlers at MTV probably forgot to mention.  I'm posting this for everyone's benefit; both for yourselves and to give yourselves half a chance to get along with your neighbors.

  1. Metro etiquette Part 1: Stand right, walk left.  Just the same as the left lane is the fast lane on the freeway, so it works on the Metro.  You do not want to piss off Washingtonians late for work or late for Happy Hour.
  2. Metro etiquette Part 2: Do not block the turnstiles.  If the farecard system or SmartTrip befuddle you, step to the side while you figure it out.
  3. We are loud, direct, and more than a little sarcastic.  And we don't tolerate bullshit.
  4. You're unlikely to meet any people who live in Maryland, and even less likely to meet people who live in Virginia.  Suburbanites are scurred of DC.
  5. Georgetown and George Washington University are two very different schools.  Do NOT get them confused.  Although douchebags can be found at both, GWU students are more likely to have a conscience and the ability to associate with people who are not exactly like themselves.
  6. We work hard (9-10 hours a day is common) and play even harder.  Liquor here is cheap.  And we hold our liquor well.  The people you'll see puking outside the bars in Adams Morgan are more than likely from Maryland or Virginia.  Don't be like them.
  7. Don't whine about our gun laws.  You're most likely to get mugged stumbling home drunk off your ass from Adams Morgan.  Having a gun on you won't help in that situation.
  8. "Taxation without representation" means that we're a fiefdom of Congress.  Yes, they really can veto any laws we pass here, even when they don't affect *their* constituents.
  9. There are plenty of great places to go outside of Northwest DC.  Examples: Eastern Market, H St. NE corridor, Haines Point.
  10. The house hopefully has an air conditioner.  Use it.  You won't last long in the summer without it.
  11. Don't bring your car.  Parking's a bitch and Metro will always get you there faster if you're moving around the city.
This is what I can think of for now.  I'm sure I or one of my co-authors can add more tips in Part II.

The Z Burger Debate

Ed note: I’m a political dork first and foremost so I’ll lead off with this: Go Deeds


The following conversation occurred between 7:00 and 7:15 PM yesterday at Z Burger in Glover Park:

KindalikePuck: You know what really pisses me off? That MTV PR guy saying that at least three of the participants will be like so many living in our area.

DCBadger: Oh, totally, I mean what does that even mean? These people have no idea the sort of demographics we’re dealing with in Washington.

KLP: Agreed, I mean, DC has an AIDS epidemic, 3% of our population has AIDS. Are they going to spotlight that?

DC: That’s depressing, I mean, not the sort of hard hitting, award winning TV that MTV is used to producing.

KLP: Or the fact that over 50% of the District is African-American. Are we going to have a majority black cast?

DC: Of course not…I mean, look, some PR flack up in New York has absolutely NO idea what DC is like.

KLP: Agreed, hell, what’s the probability that any of them will even be able to name 3 Supreme Court Justices, or multiple members of Congress, or a political operative….

DC: Well there are only about 100,000 of us in town that could do that.

KLP: That’s not the point. This isn’t San Francisco, this isn’t New York, this isn’t Miami. This is Washington. I mean, what happens if some intern from [Redacted’s] office ends up in the background of a shot. They will get fired, their career will be over.

DC: And there will be 5,000 kids applying for their job tomorrow.

KLP: That’s not really the point either. Look, if this town is going to be featured in a show, it should take into account that this city is something different…it’s a dichotomy that no one understands. On one hand it is the most powerful city on Earth, on the other hand it has one of the highest poverty rates in the nation. We have the World Bank, the IMF, every dollar in the US is printed on 14th Street, and yet we have one of the most anemic public school systems in the world….I mean……

DC: You are getting preachy……

KLP: Fuck you [Redacted]

Testing our mobile pic posting

ABCNews 7: MTV Brings 'The Real World' to D.C.

What's that? You missed us on the TeeVee?

That's ok, you can watch us here:



The camera totally adds 10 lbs. to our blog.

[Our] Indifference Will Not Sustain [Our] Blog

Love or hate this blog, it's clear that everyone thinks something about it. We thank you for that. Like Brooke searching for a manicure in downtown Denver, we'd be lost without you all, so muchas gracias dear readers.

Since this blog was born out of our inherent love for DC (yes haters, we love our home), it's only right that we give props to the local rags and blogs that have shown us some love:

  • Politico's Shenanigans called us "lovely" and, um, said other things.
  • The Washingtonian's Capital Comment Blog called us predictable, but noted our mad new media prowess. (I might be projecting with that one.)

Other posts have shown up on PQLiving, The Heights Life, Washington City Paper, uwishunudc, and His Story. You'll note the strong dose of haterade, coupled with a few heaping teaspoons of love.

Whatever - I'll take it.

5 Tips for Washingtonians That Will Inevitably Hook Up with a Real Worlder

5) Always carry penicillin with you. Always.

4) Under no circumstances, do NOT wear your oversized Obama '08 shirt to bed. That's weird and guys don't find it attractive.

3) DO wear your Tina Fey/Sarah Palin glasses.

2) If you tweet from the Real World house, you are a fucking douchebag like them. But please do include photos, will ya?

1) Quit your job right now. You're done. It's over. Move back to the Midwest where your loose morals will be received knowledge among the common folk.

Three words: Career Limiting Move


You want to know why any reality TV show is doomed to failure in this town? Because it's hard to out-DC DC.

Because DC is a 24/7 around the clock kabuki theater show. As in vaudeville. Street theater. Showbiz for ugly people. High drag of the dragadociously draggy drag. Constructed, groomed, measured, orchestrated and often contrived and manufactured. But I'm not jaded. And before you jump on me for being a hater, let me tell you something - I'm a DC native - I've paid my dues - and I'm still schelping around. And I don't place judgement on it. Just calling it like it is.

The group I worry about the most are the Interns, and by association, those Real Worlders. Don't the producers make the RWers do internships between the time when they're fornicating, binge drinking and fussing like toddlers?

As a cautionary gesture, I wanted to share a list of famous Intern Scandals, or as I think of it, Massive Career Limiting Moves. Most of these scandals involve the internet, ALL of them involve sex, and none of them end happily. And just to be sporting, I made sure the list was bipartisan. Much like herpes and stupidity, scandal isn't partial to one party. Also, for those that really want to kill time, Wikipedia has a nice running tally of political sex scandals.

#5: The Tripplehorny Email
A (sadly) bipolar ego-maniac sends a long, bitchy email to his ex-girlfriend, only to have it circulate the entire internet in 10 seconds. This story has a sad ending, as the offender committed suicide last year. Moral of the story is: do what us old-hands do, and pick up a phone to bitch people out. No email, no finger prints. Use a text message if you really have to (harder to forward.)

#4: The Congressional Fratitude of John Sweeney
John Sweeney was running for reelection in upstate NY and decided it would be a really great idea to go to a frat party at a local college right before losing his race. Sweeney ends up not only getting a DUI, but also is charged with spousal abuse, among other things. Yeah, a real charmer. While this scandal technically happened in upstate NY and not DC, it did involve a requisite 24-year old woman in his lap. Ladies of Real World (and DC at large) I don't care how crowded a car is or what committee he says he sits on - DO NOT SIT ON HIS LAP.

#3: Whoops I Did It Again in FL-16
I don't know what is in the drinking water in that district, but nobody can keep it in their pants. Mark Foley (R) gets ousted for IM'ing minors (among other things), only to be replaced by Tim Mahoney (D) who is boffing a mistress and a staffer. On second thought, this scandal doesn't really involve interns, but whatever. It's thematic.

#2: Washingtonienne Gets Wonked
Jessica Cutler blogs about all the sex she has for money, and then parlays that into a book deal, a potential TV series and hooks a lawyer husband. Her story was also how I was introduced to Wonkette in 2004. If you have to commit a major career limiting move, please follow Jessica's pathetic path. Her tell-all book, by the way, is more poorly written than those bodice-ripper paperbacks you see unhappy woman buy in grocery stores.

#1: Stay Away From Cigars
Monica Lewinsky. If I have to explain this one, you have clearly lived under a rock for the last 12 years. On the flip side, since performing internly duties for the Leader of the Free World, Lewinsky has had a very successful career making tacky handbags and getting a meaningless degree from some British school. So, you know. You could do worse.

Bottom line - just keep it in your pants, people. Or away from your mouths or whatever.

I hope the Real Worlders (and the producers that should be minding them) manage to not fuck it up, literally.

But you know, if they do, we'll read about it.

Monday, June 8, 2009

First Anti-Real World Event: My birthday. Where shall we go?

So filming begins on Saturday, June 20th.  Conveniently enough, that's my 22nd birthday!*  I want to do everything I can to ensure that my birthday celebration truly reflects the spirit of the Anti-Real World.  Not that I hate cameras.... everyone knows what an attention whore I am.  But I am anti-douchebaggery.  So I'll try and steer clear of such a trait.

The rough plan is:

  • Dinner at a restaurant TBD
  • Drinks at a nice gay bar that won't be invaded by MTVers.  Right now I'm strongly leaning towards EFN Lounge (formerly known as BeBar).  It's a nice space, plus it has the advantage of being in a "bad" neighborhood.  I think it's safe to say that MTV will not be visiting "Shaw: slum historĂ­que" this season.
  • Here is where things get dicey.  A friend of mine suggested Secrets (gay male strip club, for those of you not in the know) for my birthday.  I actually like Secrets and had fun there the last time I went.  Unfortunately it is the only strip club that has re-opened since they closed the O St. clubs for the stadium.  Will MTV go there?  Will the "activist" kids on the cast want to go there?  I don't know.  What is everyone else's opinion regarding the appropriateness of Secrets for an "Anti-Real World" birthday party?
Oh, and you are all invited of course to any or all of the venues that have the privilege of being selected.

* We all know that a lady never reveals her real age.

Deja poo

Deja vu? More like deja poo. See, I've already lived in a city that had a Real World house. I've already had to deal with reengineering my social life around 7 douchebags who fail to represent anything more than the sad part of America that can't figure out how to have a life that isn't documented for other peole who can't figure out how to have a life. Was it frustrating? Absolutely. Annoying? Oh yeah. Did it improve or destroy my life and/or city? Nawwww. The last time I lived in a city with a RW house (I can't believe I have a "last time," it's so sad), the house was on the otherside of the city from me and the most imposition I had was having to go to a different Starbucks a few times because I had no desire to go to one that was in the process of being filmed for the show. In fact, I'd like to thank the Real World for pointing out all the bars where I could be sure to meet someone who could bore me to tears in less than 2 minutes and, if I was lucky, maybe start a bar fight in my name.
But this time it's different. This time its more personable. Last time they were in my city they were in a neighborhood I rarely frequented and easily avoided. This time, it hits home (literally in Berg's case). This time they are camping out in an area I'm in all the time. This time they are within walking distance of some of my favorite haunts. This time they are tainting my city. Hey MTV, this is not change we can believe in.
Other people have commented on how this won't end well and how this will hurt, not help our city; there is no need for me to repeat these sentiments (though I share them), so let me say this: I've heard this before and you know what, everyone is right. Somebody somewhere will come to DC and go to a particular bar or restaurant because they saw this show and someone, somewhere won't go to a particular bar or restaurant because they saw this show. But we can all breathe a sigh of relief that at least at the end of this the Real Worlders will leave and we can all go back to making fun of Gtowners, interns, and popped collars.

Why This Won't End Well

I'm kinda getting tired of hearing "oh they're going to be a great contribution to the community and won't party a lot."

Guess what? If they actually don't party a lot, MTV will probably consider the season a failure. In 18+ years of "Real World" television, has there ever been a season where they seem to say:

"You know what, if the roommates hook up or get in fights or get drunk - it's going to make for terrible television!"

Yeah, thought so...

Here's hoping that they new cast makes for boring television and doesn't keep me up all night!

This is NOT a Drill: The Coming Real World Apocalypse

I am going to show you how TRWDC is poised to just utterly destroy an average Wednesday night here in Washington...I will do this in timeline form:

6:15: I arrive at typical South DuPont bar after a long day working for [REDACTED]

6:17 I order Vodka Soda number one, my friends are running a smidge late as usual, leaving me to drink at the bar by myself.

6:22 I order Vodka Soda number two

6:28 [Redacted] walks into bar and we start comparing day-war stories

6:32 I order Vodka Soda number three and walk outside for a cigarette

6:34 I light some girls cigarette outside and make a joke. She laughs.

6:39 I walk back inside and see that [Redacted] has been joined by [Redacted] We talk for a few minutes about how happy we are that Obama is President,

6:42 I order Vodka Soda number four

6:45 It finally dawns on me that cute girl from outside is sitting next to me. I turn and order her a drink

6:50 We are outside smoking a cig....I've had just enough vodka that I'm finally loose, we're having a good time, I'm starting to get excited

6:55 We go back inside and the [Redacteds] and I are talking about people we know

7:00 I order Vodka Soda number five

I've got some tolerance but now I'm starting to get tipsy...5 in and while the girl sitting next to me is talking with her friend, I decide to barge in and make a play for her number before I get TOO drunk.

7:15 I still have her laughing, this is a rare and wonderful feat for me. I order Vodka Soda number six

7:20 I don't notice, but advance guys have just walked into the place and are scoping out a table in the back.

7:30 Girl and I do a shot of Jager...I love Jager, unfortunately I always seem to take the shot when I least need it...or maybe thats every shot of Jager and I just never learn.

7:45 Girl is totally into me and the [Redacteds] have completely melted away into the background noise of the bar. I'm thinking about whether my room is clean, do I have condoms, is my roommate home.....

7:50 Girl looks towards the door and her eyes go big, an open smile then the words, "WOW this is SO exciting!!! XXX from the Real World and some cameras just walked in!!!!!!"

7:51 Jager hits me...as does the power and excitement of her words. I decide to resort to snarko-terrorism to get me out of this mess.

7:52 I say to girl, "Wow, thats awesome, last time I've seen a bar go from zero to Douchebag in under 20 seconds, I was in college."

7:52:30 Polite laugh by girl while she continues looking over my shoulder.

7:53 I order Vodka Soda number seven, I say to her, "Oh come on, you can't possibly be into that show...it lost its edge like 10 years ago."

7:54 she looks at me and says, "Actually I've always been a big fan of the show, since I started watching it when they went to Las Vegas"

7:55 I am really kinda drunk right now and I can't remember when they were in Vegas, was it, 2002? 2003? Good GOD how OLD is this girl....I ask her to show me her ID

7:56 She looks at me as though I'm a creep...which would be kinda accurate, it dawns on me she was probably fucking 16 when they were in Vegas, this both sickens me, and makes me smile

7:57 I hear the hush whispers of the [Redacteds] making fun of me while I completely strike out with this girl.

8:00 Douchbag producer walks up to girl I was talking to and hands her a release form. He tells her that Douchbag TRWDC star would love to meet her and have a few drinks with her. She smiles, looks at me, frowns, and then walks over to the TRWDC table.

8:03 I order Vodka Soda number eight, look over at my friends...they can barely contain their laughter...I let out a profane streak of cusses, pay my tab and leave. I flick off the TRW crew on the way out and think about walking up the street to piss on the house. I err on the side of keeping myself out of the drunk tank, and by consequence my job, thow myself into a cab and then make my way back to my downtown "zone 1" neighborhood.

Friends...this is the inevitable fate we have to look forward to.

Like the Plague--A Survivor's Guide to Avoiding the Real World Cast: LGBT Edition

Well, as expected, one place where the Real World cast are going to ruin with their undeserved sense of entitlement has been revealed: Halo Lounge at 1435 P Street. This was confirmed via www.borderstan.com earlier today, along with the fact there is at least one gay male on the show.

Here then are the first two places in our ongoing series of where to skip going to for a few months to avoid the Real World. Let us know where you are going to avoid like the plague while the Real World is here and you gotta be specific, not just Adams Morgan altogether. We'll take your suggestions and add them to the Survival Map!

Halo Hell No!: I predicted Halo would be a destination for the gay(s) on the show this weekend due to it's location and the great lighting. And now it has been confirmed by the good folk from Borderstan. I'm a fan of Halo and its nice happy hour, though I've always been a bit scared to sit on the furniture--I always thought I'd break it. However, as long as my drinking will be ruined by a camera crew, harsh reality TV lighting, and crazy mics, my hours at Halo will not be happy and I will not be going to Halo.

Down on Town: The other major place that the gay(s) and the allies on the show will go to is Town DanceBoutique. It is the biggest gay club in DC and the most popular on the weekends. The place has great open space, good lighting, and is a great spot to have a public dramatic explosion, even without the Real Worlders in DC.

I'm a good midwestern boy who hates paying covers so I rarely go to Town. I will definitely not miss not going there to actually pay to hang out with Real World. However, if you do decide to go, be warned there is a large chance the RWers will show and upstage the drama you are having or your friends are having.

However, tf the Real World cast tries to upstage Miss Lena Lett, I would definitely pay to watch a drag queen rip their souls to shreds with her words.

UPDATE: Inside of the New Real World DC House

This came to us from some eagle eyes....great find.

I present to you pictures from the interior renovations of the Real World DC house BEFORE the walls get caked with bodily fluids and alcohol-induced spit up.

******Update 4:21 PM: Looks like someone took down the pictures of the Real World house when this post went up (ironically timed perfect for our Wonkette debut'. LOOOOOVE YOOOOOOU)

If anyone has the pictures and you are 21+, and preferably a good looking gal who is ok with overweight media dorks, I'll gladly trade you a beer for them.

******Update 11:09 PM: Thank you to the scholar who found the link to pics again. They are available here.

And start getting real...

I suppose I come to this table with mixed feelings... I am a life-long resident of the District, and have witnessed first hand an almost unimaginable metamorphosis of commercial-development, racial-tolerance, and a whole host of other hyphenated trends that allow me to wander around outside without fear of arrest, theft of belongings, or an otherwise untimely demise.

And, full-disclosure, I have in the past been quite a fan of The Real World: Wherever. The first handful of seasons reinforced the values my family tried so hard to instill... People can meaningfully cohabitate, in spite of vast differences of opinion. Ethnic, religious, and gender "differences" exist only in so much as you allow them to.

In the same vein, I have also watched the insidious grasp gentrification has on a city that was formerly untouched by such things outside of Georgetown, and The Hill. The big boxes moved in, and entire families moved out... or worse, were forced out. I have waited decades to be proud of the District for reasons other than sprawling Monuments and parks named after dead people. We finally have the development, and lost the soul. And I'm still not proud.

So learning that TRW is coming to the District now, as opposed to even a decade ago, is quite fitting - if not just another nail in a coffin. The show hasn't been socially meaningful in at least that long, and seems quite content continuing to video-edit its way toward and beyond status quo. As much can be said for the District, which abandoned its citizens in a flurry of commercial acquisitions and tourism initiatives that seem to exist only to assure visitors that, "We don't shoot people anymore, I promise." So, rest assured residents of 2000 S St. NW, we don't shoot people anymore, we promise.

Developments Re: Rules for the Real World House

Wanted to pass along this info that was emailed to me by a fellow concerned Dupont Circler who will remain anonymous. This is the feedback from Mike Feldstein, Dupont Circle ANC. Hopefully people can check out the meeting on Wednesday and get the word out. For all of this, feel free to use the hashtag of #antirealworlddc if you are Twitter-inclined.

From: XXXXXX
Date: June 8, 2009 1:26:10 PM EDT
To: "Adam Rosenberg"
Subject: Re: Re: the "Real World" house at 20th and S

___________________________________

-- At this Wednesday's ANC meeting, the Mayor's office, and I hope a representative from MTV, will provide an overview on what's planned re "Real World and answers questions. The meeting is at 7PM and the Jewish Community Center on 16th Street. I hope you will be able to attend.

-- Think we have arranged to reduce the number of parking places reserved from 12 to 4.

-- No parties are to be allowed at the house.

-- No overall house music is allowed.

-- The number of residents is limited to 8, and visitors will be strictly controlled.

Of course, I will monitor developments closely.

Mike Feldstein
Commissioner
Dupont Circle ANC

Oh NOZ! The MTVz Found Us!

Recently, we here at antirealworlddc.blogspot.com, saw a posting from "anonymous" that literally reeked so much of MTV PR flack, the smell of Axe Body Spray was coming through our screens.

Here is the MTV flack's comment in angry red and where we think it failed in white

The cast may surprise you.--No. No it won't. So it's going to be a diverse cast of people with varying ethnicities, sexual orientations, political preferences, experiences in life. We already have that....we call it Congress. You just probably won't have anyone as crazy as Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann.

They are all activists or have some compelling story.--Oooh exciting! Activists! Whenever "activists" is used in non-political stories, it usually means someone had a great idea once but never acted on it because they had to listen to Dave Matthews Band, or whatever it is the kids like these days.

As for for compelling story, we all have compelling stories in this town and we tell them. For many people, that is their job....we know compelling...and 23 year olds for the most part aren't compelling.


At least three will be like so many living in the area.--Well first, is that code for LGBT? Because if so, you could've just said so. We love the gays here. If you have a homophobe in your crew, don't be surprised if JR's decides to move Sunday $2 Skyy Vodka Highball Day to your front lawn. Just a heads up. Us LGBT and our allies in DC are organized (sort-of).

If it isn't some gay code, well no..no they won't be like so many living here. Living in the area usually means you have a job where part of your job IS your job to stay out of the media. Exceptions are communications folk who are only in the media to promote their boss or cause. Being on 'The Real World" is now just for self-promotion and drama.


Two probably will stay behind or move to Adams Morgan.--As stated in the replies to this comment, here's a shocker. Adams Morgan! Whee! Jumbo Slice, Tom-Tom's, and neighbors angry at the weekend drunk masses. PR Flack, you obviously don't know Adams Morgan.

At least the production company hired some local people.--I agree and commend you for this. Nice job at sucking up to us, PR Flack! We like supporting the local economy!

Don't be surprised if there is a Sunday afternoon motorcade arriving in early July from somewhere along Penn. Ave.--Seriously. Are you trying to impress us with the White House? Or is it the Capitol? Or is it a reference to Remington's in Barracks Row?

If it's any of those (doubtfully the final item), color us unimpressed by your weak sauce attempt to wow us. We see motorcades coming from 1600 Pennsylvania all the time....those are impressive. We also see Marine One....that's impressive. A bunch of limos with media whores blocking traffic on Dupont Circle and Mass. Ave. ... NOT impressive.

Things we are guaranteed to overhear during the filming of Real World DC:

Things we are guaranteed to overhear during the filming of Real World DC:

“OH MY GOD! Lauriol Plaza has the BEST Mexican food ever!”

“The Georgetown Waterfront is so cool! I hear there is another waterfront in Southwest but it’s gross.”

“The Metro just doesn’t take us anyplace we need to go, I mean look how far the “Adams Morgan” stop is from Adams Morgan.”

“I’m going to spend EVERY NIGHT in DC at Smith Point from now on.”

“I met the sweetest guy at Town Tavern last night….”

“Everyone in this town is a lawyer, I’m totally going to find a rich husband

“Ugh, this neighborhood is so boring sometimes, why didn’t they put the house in Old Town

“Sometimes I wish I had been old enough to be cast on Real World: Miami

When People Stop Being Polite

Well slap my face and call me Irene, I cannot believe that the Real World is coming to DC. It only took, what, 17 years? Yes, it took exactly 17 years (according to wikipedia) and I shouldn't act like I don't know because the truth is - I've seen every episode of every show.

I know, I know, it's true. But for purposes of full disclosure I had to give that up right off the bat.

But while I admit I still watch the dragging franchise - Bunim/Murray Productions for life! - I never wanted it to be ThisCloseToWhereILive. I always assumed that when The Real World finally did reach DC, it'd take residence in Georgetown or Arlington - the faux DC. But Dupont? Really MTV? Really?

Hopefully DC Badger's predictions of where the Real-World-DCers won't go will serve as a useful guide on how to avoid their antics. Only time will tell.

Where did you think Real World DC would set-up camp?

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Teh gheys

I do have to give credit to the Real World series for raising awareness in the MTV world (read: vapid white bread America) about the fact that GLBT people exist and are everywhere.  Props for last season in having a MTF girl on the cast.

Interested to see how things will pan out with filming the show in a neighborhood that's GLBT friendly.  Will MTV respect our history?  Or even mention that the gays made the neighborhood what it is?  Time will tell!!