5) Always carry penicillin with you. Always.
4) Under no circumstances, do NOT wear your oversized Obama '08 shirt to bed. That's weird and guys don't find it attractive.
3) DO wear your Tina Fey/Sarah Palin glasses.
2) If you tweet from the Real World house, you are a fucking douchebag like them. But please do include photos, will ya?
1) Quit your job right now. You're done. It's over. Move back to the Midwest where your loose morals will be received knowledge among the common folk.
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