Monday, June 15, 2009

An Open Letter to the Single Ladies of TRW DC

Dear (Straight) Ladies of The Real World DC Cast,

The Real Women of DC want to level with you, the Ladies of the Real World DC. We can't compete with you. We just can't.

When you take out the gay population, the married population, the almost-married population and the deployed military population, there just aren't a lot of single, hot-blooded, hetero single men in this town. Rather than fight over what little we got, we wanted to level with you. So here are reasons why you'll win the man-chase.

We can't keep up with your fashion. We can't be fashionistas AND read the Economist and the New Yorkers special fiction edition, cover to cover. Also stilettos are hard to wear when you bike to work. Anyway, my non-profit/political/job on the Hill won't let me wear my skinny jeans, tissue-T, and Converse to work. That sort of pushes the limit of "business casual."

Holy shit, we love Five Guys so guess what - we aren't as skinny as you. WE LIKE CARBS. And let's be real, men generally go for the skinny bitches. We know. C'est la vie. Let's face it. 5 guys > Chopt any day. I'm sure the producers would crap a brick if they knew how much we weighed, or they'd call us fatties, and either situation is just abusive, so why bother? Congrats on not falling prey to Five Guys, Ben's Chili Bowl or 2am falafel. (We fully expect to see you eating Jumbo Slice at least once, though. Especially if you have an eating disorder.)

Many of us also have jobs trying to save the world which eliminates us from, say, binge drinking and hot tub making out every night - not because we don't want to, but because we have to get up early to do the media clippings in the morning. Also some of us spend the day fighting the spread of AIDS in the US, Botswana or Inner Mongolia, so like, spontaneous high-risk sex is not appealing to us. I know, fighting infectious diseases is a total boner-killer. But that's how we roll. We hope the producers are springing for condoms, by the way.

Also, I feel like a camera man following me would be trifling. A gal can only look so classy riding her bike to work, while tugging on her skirt to avoid flashing the world. Also it might be annoying for a camera guy to follow us on the bus or the Metro. Sometimes it's hard enough to fight my way on the S2 or the S4 down 16th, so that cameraman and his gear would just piss off the other commuters. But hey, at least we'd be reducing our carbon footprint.

And finally, I don't know that we can't keep up with The Real World schedule because to us, happy hour starts after 7, not from 4-6. And that just makes for boring Reality TV. Alcoholics are fun to watch. Workoholics are just boring. And trust me, we know those cameras would be rolling 24/7. Unless you want unlimited footage on healthcare reform, eye-glazing debate on comprehensive Energy legislation or how industrial farming is JUST WRONG, you don't want us in front of your cameras. We know. If your viewers wanted to watch that crap, they'd just flip to CSPAN.

So we tip our hats to you, single ladies of The Real World DC. Thank you for answering the call to be shiny hot young things. Someone's got to do it.

Sincerely yours,
Your DC-working Sisters

*Special thanks to Julia20009 for helping a sister out :)


Topher said...

Of course, that's why I'm still single in DC... you DC gals need to loosen up instead of making excuses; not that I'd touch a TRW girl with my worst enemy's junk...

Anonymous said...

As one of the many DC women who save the world, wear stilettos and read the Economist, I think your letter is a bit off. There is nothing more desirable than a smart, sexy woman - we can compete with the Real World trollops any day! And our dirty laundry isn't aired out on cable. No need to continue to play up the myth that DC women are tennis shoe and tights wearing ogre's who don't take pride in their appearance amongst other things.

Nerdette said...

Well bonnasitch, I too am a recylcing, Economist reading, Five Guys eating Liberal (as is Julia20009). I agree, there is nothing more desirably than a smart, sexy woman. Our brand of sexy is just different than the one TRW generally presents.

Moreover, I agree, our dirty laundry is not aired in public. In fact, the people in this town who end up being the most successful are the ones who are good at keeping secrets and staying out of the camera shot.

The letter is meant to poke fun at ourselves, because we do tend to take ourselves a little too seriously.

It will be interesting to see if TRW manages to really represent the true spirit of DC and it's denizens.

Peng103 said...
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DCFearless said...

I'm a workaholic...but for booze. Can't wait to bump into camera crews. And by "bump into," of course I mean "hurl a string of expletives, potentially (likely) whilst inebriated, smear the camera lens with Chapstick, and insult the cast with SAT words before inciting a riot outside Jack's." Bliss.

Nerdette said...

oh come on, DCFearless. I feel yer angst (love it) but that seems like a waste of chapstick :)

I was talking to a friend of mine who lived in Denver when they filmed there. Her opinion was that over all it's really not a huge deal. Filming would sometimes disrupt the bar scene but eventually people pretty much ignored the crew.

I'd imagine most of us would pause more frequently for the POTUS motorcade than TRW castmembers.

And I do hope that they pick some good nonprofits to intern for. This could be a great opportunity for TRW to bring some publicity to some great causes in this town.

Keyona said...

This post f-ing rocks!

~Fellow DC Working (military) sister~

DCFearless said...

HT, Nerdette - good call. Can you dedicate a post to where the TRW folks should intern? I'd happily drive folks to suggest their non-profits. In Seattle, they interned at 107.7 which was a gawdawful disaster. Given the press to HIV/AIDS prevention, maybe that would be a good cause to embrace.

A.M. said...

get on the treadmill fatty

tovpent said...
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Courtney said...

tovpent: If Nerdette didn't "write these long rants," what would you read all day? Clearly Nerdette's seductive powers were too much for you to resist. Ahhh, we DC girls really do have it all. Brains and charm and the power of the internets.

Doug Taylor said...

~600 words, ~10 minutes, plus a bit of editing... I'm pretty sure this didn't take a huge chunk out of her day. Dunno about you but I take breaks in my work day for some levity and somehow still manage to get a lot done... and even still have time to actually walk to/from work. It's amazing, I know.

Nerdette said...

@Courtney, yes, we have it all! brains, beauty and charm! Excuse me, I have to go grab a five guys burger before I go for another run on the treadmill. Because that's how we roll.

@DCFearless, took your advice and wrote a post on DC nonprofits!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get my 2x4 that I will need to keep the men at bay :)

Anonymous said...

No, No, No ... don't tell me they're going to invade Jack's. So much for my Thurs nights at half-price bottle of wine nights. TRW boys won't like the gay vibe in the hood.

Personally, I think that Russia House will be their hangout. Close to TRW place and the management will love the attention ... and Yuriy will get into mac'in on the ladies.